sirendher: during our lunch they had this trivia game up on the tv and the question was “what is ashley simpson’s son’s name?” and I just yelled “BRONX MOWGLI WENTZ” and the guy down the table was like “THATS NOT A FUCKING NAME” and when the screen said I was right this chick yells “ITS PETE’S KID BE GLAD HIS NAME ISNT PATRICK EMO WENTZ”
Waitress: do you have any questions about the menu?
Me: what kind of font is this?
Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.– E.B. White (via frecklesandfarce)
coffeeandklonopin: carpe diem - seize the day carpe noctem - seize the night carpe natibus - seize the ass
genpadalecki: how do you look down at your beautiful baby that you carried for nine months and spent so many hours giving birth to and this thing is going to change your life etc etc how do you do that and then decide to name that baby laquisha